In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
