I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
