Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
