I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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