call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
