Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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