erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
