I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
