I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Randomize
