I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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