i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
