And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
