So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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