I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
operation have a gay friend backfired
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I need to calm my uterus...
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Randomize
