Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
