I'm gonna have a badass scar
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
