So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I am naked and annoyed.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Randomize
