$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
My vagina just clenched in fear
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