The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
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