I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Randomize
