oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
