I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
