i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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