Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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