you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
