I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Randomize
