so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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