ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
