Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
