we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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