So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
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