matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
