i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize
