she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
