You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
