At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
