How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
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