she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
