He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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