Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize