8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
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