so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
