okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Randomize
