I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
and she was petting her beer can
porn star boner night. come get it.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
