If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
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