I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
