is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
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Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
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I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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