Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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