I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
