I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
