Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
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She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
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I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
These tits shall not be calmed
Lo siento on account of my penis...
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