I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
