I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
