A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Everything about him screamed your future.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
My breath smells like gin and sadness
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
