Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
