Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
