i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
His hands were made for my vagina.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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