I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
We were destined to go to rehab together
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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