Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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