you traded sex for a burrito?
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
