I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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