Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
