Just cropdusted the office
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Randomize
