Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
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