Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
