Are we in a gay sports bar?
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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